Better Than A Hallelujah

Girlfriends, today is "one of those days" for me. I sat down thinking my blog title would be Doubting Days. As I began to write, the song  Better Than A Hallelujah by Amy Grant played on my radio. (video above)

I have heard this song many times. For some reason, today was the first time the lyrics sunk in and connected with my brain. God has a way of speaking to me in the absolute moment I need to hear from Him. This morning was that time. Let me explain.

My doubting day really began last night as I sat alone frosting cupcakes into the wee morning hours. Do you ever have those occasions where every nook and cranny of your existence is subject to scrutiny? That is where I am right now. Full of doubt and questions.

My to-do list looms larger than life. I doubt I will be prepared for today's bake sale or tomorrow's FCA picnic. I doubt these white cupcakes taste very good. I doubt my oven thermostat is functioning properly, which leads me to reflect upon all my appliances. I doubt my freezer door will ever work properly after three repair visits already.

Minor issues really. But you know how the isolated mind likes to wander deeper into the forest of fear. I begin to envision my life with no kids at home. No bake sales. No more making posters or submitting announcements. No FCA meetings, youth groups, or school functions. No sporting events. I doubt I will be very happy alone and wonder what I will do.

I think about having time to work out, but I doubt my hands and arms will ever stop hurting again. Naturally, that leads me to doubt I will lose the ten pounds that taunt me daily. I guess I can take walks, but then I wonder if people will think I am crazy, going around the block and talking to my dog the whole time. I doubt Oreo will care about any of this nonsense.

I wonder about a dog's life. I wonder why God created the world the way He did. I doubt I should be questioning God, but I wonder why Adam and Eve could not have just had a "time out" over in the corner of the Garden and rejoined God after they had time to "think about" their actions and motives. Could they not have written one hundred times, "I will not listen to the serpent, and I will not eat the fruit of the forbidden trees"? I wonder why we cannot all live in harmony--without pain, sickness, strife, or sadness--together with Our Father in the Garden where work and play are balanced, where we actually have time to spend enjoying one another. I wonder. I doubt I will know in this lifetime. I wonder if God is upset with me for all this doubting--which leads me to the song on KLOVE. Thank you, Amy, for picking me up!

Girlfriends, I truly believe we can have "one of those days," or two, or a week, month, year...you get the point...yet God's love remains steady and true. He will never give up on us. He does not condemn us or get offended. As Amy Grant says, "we pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody." So, today, I doubt God cares that I am questioning my life and purpose. I believe He is here with me, walking through the mess and holding out a hand to hold. I think we will go for a walk after the bake sale...and take Oreo with us!

Have a blessed day, ladies! Doubting, or secure in your place, God loves you. And so do I!

Better Than A Hallelujah
by Amy Grant

God loves a lullaby
In a mothers tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
God loves a drunkards cry,
The soldiers plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

The woman holding on for life,
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes
The tears of shame for what's been done,
The silence when the words won't come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

Better than a church bell ringing,
Better than a choir singing out, singing out.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah